Gracie
by Sailor J-chanDuoxHilde 4ever
Summary: Unable to handle her depression, Grace reverts into Gracie, an adult trapped in a 6-year-old's mentality. Gracie wants to be clsoe to Kay, who will have none of her. But an accident changes everything, and Kay comes to an understanding of Grace. Complete!
1. One Step Closer

Disclaimer-Passions isn't mine

One Step Closer

Grace sat in the lobby on a cushioned chair. Dimly, she thought how these chairs were supposed to be comfortable but always wound up being scratchy.

'Kay said that about these chairs once,' Grace thought. But the thought of Kay, so angry, with so much hatred directing towards her, made her cringe.

__

"If it wasn't for you, Miguel and I would be together!"

"No…" Grace whispered. "Miguel doesn't love you."

__

"You don't care about me!"

"No, Kay, I love you and I want you to come back home."

__

"Maria Ivy…has a nice ring to it, doesn't it?"

"Why Ivy? Ivy hates you. She only wants your father. Then she can send you away like she did her own children."

__

"I hate you!"

"No…" Grace drew her knees to her chest and put her hands on her head, running them down so her fingers made rivets in her hair. "No…"

__

"I hate you and you hate me! You love Charity more than me! If it wasn't for you, Miguel and I would be together! Ivy is a better mother than you!"

"NO!!" Grace shouted, bolting straight up and then slipping into darkness.

__

I cannot take this anymore

Saying everything I said before

All these thoughts, they make no sense

I find bliss in ignorance

Less I hear, the less you'll say

You'll find that out anyway

Just like before

Everything you say to me takes me one step closer to the edge, and I'm about to break

I need a little room to breathe, 'cause I'm on step closer to the edge, and I'm about to break

I find that things aren't so clear

Wish I could find a way to disappear

All these thoughts, they make no sense

I find bliss in ignorance

Nothing seems to go away

Over and over again

Just like before

Everything you say to me takes me one step closer to the edge, and I'm about to break

I need a little room to breathe, 'cause I'm on step closer to the edge, and I'm about to break

Everything you say to me takes me one step closer to the edge, and I'm about to break

I need a little room to breathe 'cause I'm one step closer to the edge and I'm about to break

Shut up when I'm talking to you

Shut up

Shut up

Shut up

Shut up when I'm talking to you

Shut up

Shut up

Shut up

Shut up

I'm about to break

Everything you say to me takes me one step closer to the edge and I'm about to break

I need a little room to breathe 'cause I'm one step closer to the edge and I'm about to break

Everything you say to me takes me one step closer to the edge and I'm about to break

I need a little room to breathe 'cause I'm one step closer to the edge and I'm about to break

"Grace?"

Grace opened her eyes. She was staring at the ceiling. She noticed the tiny black dots of the ceiling tile's texture. Interesting. How many were there? She'd have to count sometime…

"Grace, its Sam. You fainted in the lobby. Are you okay?"

Grace giggled, like a schoolgirl, like a child. "I'm okay."

"Thank God. You gave us a scare, Grace."

"Gracie."

"What?"

"My name is Gracie."

"'Gracie'…? But Grace, I've never called you that."

"My name is Gracie," she said, insisting.

Sam suddenly remembered that when Jessica was 6 years old, she insisted on being called 'Jessie' and only 'Jessie', until she was 9 and thought that 'Jessica' sounded more grown-up. This was exactly how Grace was acting. Like a 6-year-old.

"Grace, how old are you?"

"Um…I don't know."

"Do you remember me?"

"Of course. You're Sammy. And there's Kay-Kay and Jessie and No-No. And Char'y and Mari."

'Well, she remembers me and the kids,' Sam thought.

"And there's Ives. I don't like Ives." Gracie looked at Sam. "She's scary."

'And she remembers Ivy,' Sam thought. "Grace…er, Gracie, I'm going to get Eve."

"Yay! Go get Evie, quick!"

'And Eve…' Sam hurried out of the room to find Eve.

"What's the news, Eve?" Sam asked, as Eve emerged in the lobby two hours later.

"Is Aunt Grace all right?" Charity asked.

Kay sat, sullen, in her wheel chair. She wanted to be in NICU with Maria, not in the lobby waiting for her mother.

Eve sighed. "It's very complicated. I'm no psychologist, but from what I can gather, all the problems she's been having with Kay and David and Ivy have built up and she finally snapped. She can't handle them in her present state, so she's…she's regressed."

"What's that mean?" Jessica, who had been called from home, asked.

"She an adult trapped in a 6-year-old's mentality. She remembers all her problems, but her actions will be that of a 1st-grader." Eve bit her lip. It was so hard to see her best friend like this. Grace had always seemed like a rock to her, immovable and strong.

She turned to the convalescent young mother and Grace's oldest daughter. "She kept asking for Kay-Kay. That's you."

"I don't want to see her," Kay said, turning her wheel chair and heading to leave.

"Kay."

Kay stopped and looked at her father. His face seemed long and gray and old.

"Please."

She sat for a second, twiddling her thumbs. She bit her lip and then turned, glaring.

"Fine. I'll spend 5 minutes with her, and then I'm going back to Maria."

"Hi, Kay-Kay!" Gracie sat up in the hospital bed.

"Hello," Kay said coldly.

"Is Mari okay? Is she gonna die?"

"Maria is doing better," Kay said flatly.

"Good. I don't want her to die."

"Liar," Kay said. "You want her to die."

"I do not!" Gracie said indignantly.

"Yes, you do! If Maria's dead, there's nothing keeping me and Miguel together! You want her to die!"

"Not true!"

"It is so!"

"La-la-la-la, I'm not listening," Gracie said in singsong, covering her ears.

Kay turned in her wheel chair, livid. "Good-bye."

She had made it to the curtain that separated the room from the hallway when Gracie spoke up.

"Kay-Kay!"

"WHAT?!"

"I'm SORRY!"

Kay stopped in her tracks. 

"I love you, Kay-Kay!"

For a minute, Kay almost melted. But then she thought of Miguel and Charity and Grace, thought of her wounded pride and her anger and indignance. She squared her shoulders and wheeled away.

"Good-night, Grace," she said hardly.

"It's Gracie!" Grace squawked, and Kay pulled the curtain closed.

So, did you like the first chapter? This story could happen anytime after Maria was born. I had to miss this last week's episodes, so I don't know what's happening right now.

REVIEW!!


	2. Conflict At Tabitha's

Disclaimer-Passion is not mine

Conflict At Tabitha'a

"Kay-Kay! Kay-Kay!" Gracie pounded on the door to Tabitha Lenox's house.

At the sudden loud noise, Maria set up a wail.

"For Hades' sake, Kay!" Tabitha yelled, using her favorite line. "I didn't count on you having TWO children!"

"Oh, shut up, Tabitha!" Kay yelled, stomping out to the front door and jerking the door open. "What's wrong with you, Grace?"

"GRACIE!" Gracie shouted. "My name is Gracie!"

Maria wailed louder.

"Listen to that! You're scaring Maria!"

Gracie wilted a little under the chastisement, but immediately brightened. "I brought you these for you and Tabby and Mari!" She stuck out her hand. Clutched in her fist were two yellow flowers.

Kay took them, not very gracefully, and tossed them down on the stand where she often put her keys. "Is that all?"

"Kay-Kay!" Gracie said, exasperated. "I wanted to see Mari!"

"Well, you're not going to!"

Gracie smirked impudently. "Sammy said you have to let me see her. If you don't, I'll tell, and then Sammy will get mad at you."

Kay's lip moved into an angry scowl. She didn't want Gracie near her daughter, but she didn't want to upset Sam. "You get two minutes with her."

"Yay!" Gracie pushed past Kay and charged up the stairs.

"Badness, but she does have energy!" Tabitha muttered, cuddling Endora. "I don't think she was this wild when she actually WAS 6 years old!"

"All I care is that she doesn't upset Maria," Kay said, picking up the flowers Gracie had brought and chucking them into the trash basket.

Tabitha was about to say something, but Kay was making her way up the stairs to see Gracie and Maria.

"Grace Bennet!"

Gracie looked up at Kay. She was sitting on the bed, holding Maria in a very undignified way. She was holding the screaming baby by the armpits, letting the rest of her body hang down.

"You give me Maria!"

Gracie held Maria closer. "No!"

"Grace, if you don't give me my baby right now, I'm going to kill you!"

"No you're not!" Gracie stuck out her tongue.

Kay ran towards Gracie and Maria, but Gracie scooted away. "Catch me if you can! Catch me if you can!"

"Grace Bennet!"

"Kay-Kay can't catch me! Kay-Kay can't catch me!"

"You little brat!" Kay swung her hand, palm outwards, towards the moving figure of Gracie.

CRACK

The sound of the slap split the air. Maria slid slowly to the floor and continued wailing. Kay was seething, breathing hard.

Gracie felt her cheek with her. She slowly brought her hand down and looked at the livid Kay, tears in her eyes. "Kay-Kay…"

"The name is Kay. And I never want you near Maria again. You hear me!? Never! You, you…you ruined my chance with Miguel and now you want to hurt my baby…"

Gracie's filling eyes overflowed and the first tear spilled onto her cheek.

Kay stopped in mid-rant. Never before had she seen Grace cry. She'd seen her about to, she'd her yell, but she'd never, ever, seen her mother cry.

"I…I'm sorry, Kay-k…I'm sorry Kay." Gracie's voiced suddenly raised. "I try not to be such a burden to you!"

She turned and ran out of the room and down the stairs. Kay picked up Maria and settled her in her arms just as she heard the door slam.

She heard footsteps come up the stairs and Tabitha entered the room.

"What was that all about?" Tabitha asked. "She went flying like a bat out of my home."

"She…she was presenting an endangerment to Maria," Kay said. "I punished her thus accordingly."

"Oh, so that was why her cheek was red as a tomato! Well, Kay, I'd say you've done quite enough to drive her away! She won't come back again!"

"Y-yeah," Kay said.

At any other time, she would've felt exalted. But for some reason, never seeing Gracie again gave her an unsettled feeling in her stomach.

5 minutes later, the phone rang.

"I'll get it," Kay called, running to pick up the phone. "Hello?"

"Kay?" The voice sounded hysterical.

"Jessica?"

"Oh, Kay, it's Mom!"

There was suddenly a pit in Kay's stomach, a deep emptiness waiting to be filled with dread. "What about her?"

"She was running across the street…she was crying so hard…she didn't look where she was going I guess, and, and this car…it just hit her! It just hit her!"

The pit was overflowing now. Kay suddenly sat down, hard, on a chair.

"Dad called 9-1-1 and…oh, God, he's sitting in the street right now, holding her. She's bleeding all over and I think she broke something…oh, God, Dad's crying! What did you do to her?! Did you yell at her!?"

"She was hurting Maria. I…I yelled a little and…and slapped her."

"You, you…Oh my God, Kay, how could you do that?! You know that she thinks she's 6 years old! How could you hurt her like that! She's weak!"

Jessica was sobbing.

"If Mom dies, it's your fault! It's all your fault! You just can't stand only taking Miguel away from Charity! You have to take Mom away from Dad and me! Mom's going to die because of you! I…I hope you go to Hell!"

Jessica slammed the phone down.

Kay let the phone drop on the floor. She stared at the distant wall with hollow eyes.

"Kay?" Tabitha entered the room. "Who was that?"

Kay turned and stared at Tabitha. Then she buried her face in her hands and cried.


	3. Streets of Heaven

Disclaimer-I don't own Passions or the song

Streets of Heaven

'I'm spending way too much time in the hospital,' Kay decided.

She had arrived at the hospital to find her father sobbing in the lobby, and Jessica going into hysterics, screeching nonsense, saying the names of Grace and Kay over and over. An orderly had had to drag her away and give her a sedative.

David and John were there, too, both crying openly. John looked ready to strangle Kay. David said nothing.

Finally, Charity was there. Charity had stared at her for a long time, a hollow, searching look. That unnerved Kay even more than Jessica's hysterical rage. This seemed to be the judgment on her soul. She had wished for her mother to die. Now she had gotten her wish.

"It's her birthday today," Charity said. "She wanted to play with Maria for her present. She loves that baby, Kay."

"Shut up!" Kay yelled. "You just shut up, Charity!"

Charity gave her that look, that horrible look that made Kay's soul sink into her stomach. "You should have walked her across the street. She's a child in her mind. She doesn't think to look both ways."

"SHUT UP!!" Kay was screeching now.

Charity shut her mouth and looked away.

"Eve, please tell me, is she okay? Please, tell me she's all right!" Sam was practically on his knees before Eve.

Eve stared with empty eyes. "She's in critical condition. She lost a lot of blood on impact. Her ribs dislocated and severed many veins."

"Oh, dear God. Oh, dear God." Sam looked ready to go into hysterics, just like Jessica.

"She's still in the ER. She's being monitored right now. We're giving her fresh blood but it might not be enough. What with her regression and stress, it might be more than her cells can support."

"Are…are you saying that…"

"Mom…might die?" Kay said. She whispered it, but her words filled the room.

Tears were running down Eve's cheeks. "Grace…it's highly poss…" She couldn't continue.

Jessica began sobbing. She gripped the check-in desk to support herself. John and Charity went to her, both sobbing. David was breathing hard, tears running down his face.

Sam slumped to the floor and buried his face in his hands. His shoulders shook as he wept.

Kay stood there silently, staring straight ahead.

"Dr. Russell."

Eve sniffled, and wiped her face. "What, Kay?"

"May I see her?"

"What?!"

"I want to see her."

"Kay, I can't let you do that. Hospital policy…"

"Damn hospital policy! I want to see my mother!"

Jessica spoke between sobs. "What the hell do you want to see her for?! You're the one who killed her!"

"You shut up, Jessica!" Kay yelled. "I don't care! I want to see my her! I WANT TO SEE HER!!"

There was silence in the room.

"I'll…I'll take you to her, Kay," Eve said. "Please, follow me."

__

Kay knelt by the bed, holding Grace's still, cold hand. She had stayed here for several hours. She had done nothing but stare.

For so long, Grace had seemed like an invincible foe, so strong and unchangeable, always pushing her, no matter how much Kay hated it.

But now, she was just a child. And Kay had forced her into acknowledging the 19-year-old's power, had hurt her so bad that she had run into the street and gotten hit.

'I never thought I had that much power,' Kay thought. She frowned.

'I hate it.'

__

"Hello, God. It's me, Kay. Well, you already knew that."

Kay was in the chapel, a place she had not been in for a long, long time.

"We haven't spoken much." She paused. "I sound stupid."

There was a long silence.

"I know I've prayed to You that Grace would die. I've gotten that wish. The Grace I know and I were mortal enemies. But she's Gracie know, and…and I don't want Gracie to die."

Tears came to her eyes. "Gracie's just a stupid little brat who bothered the baby. She was a big problem, always coming over when she wanted. She had no inhibitions. She always came when she wanted, and destroyed everything she touched, and marked up the floors…and she didn't have any problems hugging me or telling me that she loved me. ME, Kay, who hated Grace. But I wasn't Kay to Gracie. I was Kay-Kay, her Kay-Kay."

She couldn't stop crying now. "I wish I'd put those flowers in a vase…the most expensive vase Tabitha had, and hugged her and wished her a happy 7th birthday. I hurt her so bad…and I've hurt everyone else…and I'm one big screw-up."

She looked up defiantly, as if someone was there to scold her. "I'm not sorry that Grace is gone…not exactly…I saw Gracie as Grace and I…I made a mistake. You hear me?! I made a MISTAKE!"

She was almost in hysterics, like Jessica. "And I'm SORRY!! I don't want Gracie to die. Please don't let Gracie die!"

Silence was all that responded to her.

She wiped the tears from her eyes and crossed herself as she stood up.

"I guess I shouldn't ask You to fix my mistakes. I DO have my free will, don't I? I just came to tell you that I'm sorry. And to ask You…if You take her, will you look after her? She's still just a little baby…I don't want her to get hurt when she crosses Heaven's streets."

She was still crying when she left the chapel.

"Streets of Heaven" was the inspiration for this chapter. I didn't quite agree with the message, because I personally believe that God lets things happen as they happen and chooses not to have a hand in things, waiting for us to learn from our mistakes—but it seemed like a good song to inspire this chapter.


	4. Mommies

Disclaimer-I don't own Passions

Mommies

"Mommy!"

"Ooph!" Kay groaned as 6-year-old Maria ran into her. The 1st-grader had just returned from school.

"Mommy, I got a 100 today!" Maria shoved a spelling slip, marked with a red 100 on top, in Kay's face.

"That's wonderful, Maria!" Kay hugged the girl.

"Here, I picked these!"

Yellow flowers.

Two little, yellow flowers.

"Oh…thank you, sweetie!"

"I was thinking that um, um, we could put these…"

"Sweetheart, Mommy is very busy. Lots of nasty paperwork. Mommy has to do this, or else the paperwork will eat her up! We'll talk later, okay, honey?"

"Okay! I'm gonna go show Grandpa my paper!" Maria ran out the door.

Kay ran out after her. She caught her by the arm before she left the sidewalk.

"I'll walk you."

"Mommy, I'm a big girl! I can walk by myself!"

"Sure, you _can_. I'm just not letting you."

"Aww…"

"Grandpa!"

Sam dodged the little girl. She did a 180 and latched onto his leg.

"I got a 100!" She jumped up and down, the now-crumpled spelling sheet waving.

"That's great, sweets! Go get yourself a cookie."

"Thanks!" Maria bolted for the kitchen.

"She's gotten so big, Kay."

Kay smiled wistfully. "I know. Where does all the time go?"

Maria emerged from the kitchen with 5 cookies in her hand.

"Maria, go put 4 of those back."

"No, it's okay," Sam said. "She can have as many as she wants. Why don't you watch some TV, honey?"

"Thanks, Grandpa!"

Maria jumped on the couch. She turned on the TV with the remote and put the cookies on the coffee table.

"She's in the same position as…" Sam started.

"Don't start. Daddy, will you watch Maria for awhile?"

"Sure, honey. Is everything okay?"

"Yeah. I'm okay. I'll pick her up at 6, okay?"

"That's fine."

Kay sat in her living room.

She had long since moved out of Tabitha's and gotten her own small, two-bedroom house. Only she and Maria lived there. Miguel and Charity were married, expecting twins soon. To the surprise of everyone but Kay, Tabitha up and left town then.

Gracie would have loved this little house.

Kay still remembered the day that had ended a chapter of her life, and had ended the book that was Grace's life.

"I'm sorry." Tears were flooding Eve's cheeks. "I'm so sorry. She opened her eyes for a second, and we thought she might make it, but…she shut her eyes again and…I'm so sorry. We lost her."

Kay felt disrespectful. Everyone around her was sobbing already, but she was standing like stone.

"Did…did she say anything…before she died?"

"Y-yes. I was with her. She opened her eyes…and she was still Gracie. Grace would've been worried, but Gracie knew that we'd be all right. She looked up at me and squeezed my hand…and she said ,"I love you all". And then she shut her eyes, and…and they never opened again."

That was when Kay broke down. She turned and ran towards the nursery. Tears were making rivers down her cheeks as she burst in and ran towards Maria's crib. She knelt down beside the tiny, sleeping baby's crib, and sobbed.

"Who was Gracie, exactly, Dr. Russell?"

"What do you mean, Kay?" Eve asked.

"She was still Grace, wasn't she? Just…different."

Eve sighed. "Yes, Kay, she was still Grace. She was just the inner Grace, the child in Grace. Our Grace was afraid of being rejected if she opened up her heart to you. She was afraid of hurting Sam and David with making a decision. She was afraid of ripping apart the family. But Gracie…children have no fear." Eve looked away.

"So, all that Gracie did…all the hugging and cuddling and smiles she gave me…that was what Grace wanted to do?"

"Yes."

"Well." Kay smiled sourly, tears in her eyes. "I really was no better than what I accused Mom of being…a selfish hypocrite. She had every right to hate me."

"She didn't hate you. I think she thought it was just hard…to be close to you, that's all."

There's an old proverb that says the heart only opens to the heart that opens in return. As Kay carried Maria home, she knew it was true.

"Mommy!"

Kay looked up as Maria ran in.

"You were late! Grandpa brought me home!"

"Thanks, Daddy," Kay said, looking at Sam.

Sam smiled and ruffled Maria's hair. "I figured you'd want some alone time. You seemed sad when you dropped her off."

"Mommy, can we go put the flowers on Grandma's grave? Please? It's still light out!" Maria whined.

"All right, all right," Kay said, smiling.

RING

"That's for me," Sam said, pulling out his cell phone. "Hello? Miguel?"

Kay perked up at Miguel's name.

"What…Now? Seriously? That's wonderful. We'll be right over." He hung up. "Charity's having the babies."

"Yay! Aunty Char'y is having the babies!" Maria squealed.

"Then let's go, sweetheart!"

Losing Gracie had ended Kay's relationship with Miguel, too. The death of Grace/Gracie made Kay realize that her love of Miguel was only a dependency, something left over from childhood to cling to in the ever-changing world. If she had been strong enough, she would've let Miguel go long ago.

"And…they're both girls," Eve announced.

Charity clung to Miguel, sobbing in happiness. The two girls were identical, right down to their screams.

"Do we have names picked out?" the nurse asked.

"We're going to call one Faith, and the other one will be Grace."

"No."

Charity looked up at Kay. "What do you mean?"

"We can't have two baby Graces in the family."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean I'm changing Maria's name." Kay looked down at the little girl clinging to her hand. "How's that, Maria? You're name will be Grace from now on."

"Kay…" Sam looked ready to cry.

Charity, who was already crying, spoke. "Fine. One will be Faith and the other will be Hope."

"Mommy." Maria, now Grace, tugged on her hand. 

"Yes, dearest?"

"I like the name Grace, but can my name be Gracie?"

Kay knelt down to eye level with her daughter. "Of course it can. My little Gracie."

"Can we go put those flowers on Grandma's grave now, Mommy?"

"Of course we can…Gracie."

*Throws confetti in the air* This is my first completed story. Thank you all for reading it.

I hope you shut off your computer knowing that there is a Gracie inside you, too, the Gracie that wants to love other people. Be Gracie. Tell your loved ones you love them. Don't wait until it's too late.

Good-bye and Good luck.

PS Review, please!


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